Finding Beauty in the Pain of Losing My Dad on Father’s Day
Seven represents the completion of cycles. On the 7th day, God rested because his Creation was Complete. I’ve heard it takes 7 years to regenerate our cells and create a whole new physical body for ourselves. Human Design states that it takes 7 years to de-condition your mind from a lifetime of indoctrination. After 7 years of being a missing person, my grandfather was declared dead. Now I can honestly say it has taken me seven years to come to full acceptance and inner peace that my dad died on Fathers Day.
I knew immediately it was more than an unfortunate coincidence, and well before I learned the Soul chooses the moment to drop the physical body, I knew he had picked Sunday 18 June 2017 to die. It took seven years for me to remember this was our SOUL CONTRACT. These are pre-birth agreements made between SOUL FAMILIES and their purpose is to aid us in achieving our Ascension.
My Dad and I made a pact that if neither of us was on the Spiritual Path toward Ascension, not only would he drop his body in dramatic fashion, he would do it on Fathers Day so there was no doubt I would remember this agreement. Our final meaningful conversation happened on his last birthday, and we talked for a long time about who/what God is, the nature of reality and what we thought happens when you die. I am so grateful we had this conversation, and I believe it was this night that our Souls signed and sealed this contract. It was delivered on Fathers Day the following year. He could no longer carry the weight of the burden he had created for himself, and finally I am able to not only forgive him for that; I have COMPASSION for him BECAUSE of that. Jesus died on the cross to save us from sin and my dad died on the cross he carried so that I could be saved from myself. I am GRATEFUL for that, and that is the sole reason I share my story because that’s how I show my GRATITUDE ~not letting him die in vain by sharing the message.
So in the days following his passing, I experienced a SPONTANEOUS KUNDALINI ACTIVATION due to the trauma of the events surrounding his sudden death. Kundalini is LIFE FORCE ENERGY that sits at the base of the spine until an ACT OF GRACE releases it. Kundalini energy moves up the spinal column, clearing out all negative, stuck, dead energy in a spiritual process known as THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL. To Die Before You Die.
Basically when my dads physical body left this Earth, he took my Ego Personality with him. The Victim~the Adult Child of an Alcoholic identity I had created for myself was gone. I had no one left to blame but me. So I had to start taking a long hard look at myself and the shell of a person I had become.
When the personality fragments, the SOUL steps in. The Soul is your Higher Self and exists in the higher DIMENSIONS. What’s hard to explain or especially believe is that this is a FUTURE VERSION OF YOU. This is why the Soul sees everything from a higher perspective. They’ve already lived through this timeline. 🤯 The Soul’s purpose is to guide you toward your Divine Mission, and It really doesn’t care about much beyond that. The Soul will lead you to do things that your Ego Personality never thought possible, and my best advice is to LISTEN. The subconscious mind is very powerful and can draw people, places and circumstances into your reality that can be scary as Hell. Always be mindful that YOU ARE THE CO-CREATOR of your existence — you wouldn’t create a situation that you can’t get your Self out of! Inside of you is an ENTIRE UNIVERSE that YOU CREATED with YOUR MIND — every thought, every action and every re-action creates a ripple in space-time. If you keep creating that same loop and re-cycling the same circumstances from the same mindset, you will keep creating the same shitty reality for yourself and you will feel STUCK, anxious and depressed.
When my Soul took over the driver seat, I literally could see, hear, touch, feel and taste everything like I had never experienced it before, and my SIXTH SENSE or INTUITION was on point. My body immediately started to change — I looked and felt taller and younger, I required very little food or sleep and dropped thirty pounds I didn’t even know I had to lose. I started paying more attention to self-care: taking regular salt baths, buying and learning about crystals and aromatherapy, conditioning my hair, skin & nails with coconut oil, eliminating lots of processed unhealthy foods, stopped taking all my medications and relying on homeopathic, natural healing modalities and the body’s ability to heal itself. I left my career, I threw out all my old clothes & shoes and got myself a whole new wardrobe, I started listening to New Age music, I started MEDITATING & SUN GAZING and. quit watching the news, tv and movies, I taught myself new skills and started teaching other people to use theirs! I began the process of eliminating anything in my Life that didn’t spark joy and inner peace.
On the contrary, I was also in a constant state of spiritual bliss or spiritual depression or both, I was taking risks and doing questionable things, talking INCESSANTLY, looking emaciated and dehydrated, moving into a commune, taking off to Orlando and California and a few places in between and talking about the End Times, Revelations, World War III and Extra Terrestrials taking me as a child and coming back to save us. Literally, you name it and I’ve tried it, done it or researched it.
To other people who thought they knew me, it looked ugly and manic-depressive and psychotic and downright coocoo for coconuts at times, but to me, I was learning how to be myself again. I was coming back into my Self, and most of the time it’s honestly been scary as hell. The Ego will fight you every step of the way. Tolle likens it to having a limb torn off and that’s accurate. It’s painful.
I live between two worlds and I’ll admit it’s exhausting at times. A lot of people in my position sadly don’t make it simply because they don’t understand what’s happening to them. They think they’ve lost it and gone mad and they lose all HOPE and abandon their FAITH. We don’t talk about SPIRITUALITY or ASCENSION, and if we do, we’re labeled “psycho” or “weak” or “fanatical”. Start talking to someone about multi-dimensionality or human LIGHTBODIES and you’re a “Conspiracy Theorist” or completely off your rocker. We’re so much more willing to accept a diagnosis and take a pill or a drink or a needle or a cheesecake or a Netflix episode to try to avoid that little voice in our head that’s telling you something just ain’t right. That little voice is your Soul calling. Eckhart says to stop and listen to that voice in your head as often as possible and to make it your friend, not your enemy, and it will TRANSFORM YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
I heard the whisper of the voice since I was a child, and I refused the call, and my dad paid the ultimate price for it. Do I feel guilty for it — nope because our Souls chose this, and I rejoice now in the Knowing that he is with me, guiding me Home. He leaves me clues everywhere, and I can feel his presence when I hear a songbird or see a bright red cardinal fly by. If my dad hadn’t died, I would not have spiritually awoken, and that is the greatest gift you can ever receive.
Grief is a mechanism of the Ego. The Soul knows there is no death, only rebirth. When you grieve for someone, try to remember this message. Get still in nature and call your loved one in. Ask them why they decided to leave this Earth plane. Ask them if there’s any lesson to be learned from their passing. Ask them to show you a sign and you will feel their presence I promise. Just don’t be scared to LISTEN.
On this Fathers Day, I spent it camping in my van just like my dad was doing before he died. He was the definition of a FREE SPIRIT, and I set him free by setting my own Spirit free. That’s how we keep their memory alive. Last night I meditated on if I would have done anything differently had I known seven years ago I would never wish him a Happy Fathers Day again, and that’s how I know I’ve completed the cycle. I have no regrets — no shoulda coulda wouldas because from the Soul’s perspective, everything happened according to God’s Plan — how that turns out remains to be seen…
